If you read my last post on Patreon you’ll know that I was feeling pretty upset about something.
Since writing that post I’ve been experiencing a sensation I couldn’t quite put my finger on…a kind of discomfort, like pieces of the puzzle of my life were not exactly fitting together.
The realisation I’ve had is that I’ve lost track of what’s important…and begun obsessing about things which really aren’t the priority (how many patrons, how much money, how many likes, how many shares, how many comments, etc). I’ve been focusing on the things which are symptoms -rather than roots- of how I live my life.
My roots are simply me creating, exploring, learning, sharing, taking care of myself, swimming, connecting, reading, writing, singing, playing. That’s why people are supporting me and that’s why people want to share in my stories. I’ve been so wrapped up in material goals, constantly chasing the next milestone, that I lost sight of the pure beauty of just creating for its own sake, for the healing it brings me and the joy it is to share.
So, I apologise to you all.
I lost sight for a while and became waylaid upon the wayside of my journey, obsessed with counting the bricks in the road instead of enjoying the view.
I can’t say this is the last time this will happen. I can’t promise anything of much at all. But I do know that it’s time for me to find the spark inside of me again, the spark which ignites purely for the joy of burning, without being concerned about how many see the flame.
Thanks for Being and for your patience with me as I learn what it means to Be too.
PS: a special thank you to Jake, who I saw in Camden today and who reflected back the same feelings I’ve been having, helping the pieces of my puzzle to fall back into place.
*main image taken with my soul-family, The Lyrical Nomads and Tribe in Cornwall. Thank you to my friends who show me that if I’m crazy, it’s the best kind of crazy to be.*