“This month is the month it all falls apart.”
“No one cares.”
“Get a real job.”
“Why do I deserve success when so many others are so much better than me?”
Fear and self-doubt are the ever present vultures circling high above the pathway of my life, casting their icy shadows in the hope I’ll lose my way, trip and fall and become their latest prey.
This month began so positively in the external reality, with incredible experiences on all levels. Yet there they were, circling above me, calling out all the reasons I would fail. I believed them for a time, I really did.
Suddenly it’s 31 January and I’m sat on a huge couch, watching the playful wind and green leaves dance in the nature reserve my father’s home shares a boundary with. There is no fence. If I take five steps I will be in Her embrace. And, TWENTY THREE new patrons have pledged to support my art since 01 Jan!
Arriving back in South Africa a few weeks ago, I was welcomed into my mom’s home. She fed me delectable food and delighted me with her presence, with walking talks on the mountain and refreshing swims in white-rock-cradled dams. Now, a ten hour drive with my dad has brought me here, to the Eastern Cape, to his new home and new life in this quiet little town called Seals. There are waves to be caught and bare footprints in the sand to be softly trod and patiently washed away by Mother Ocean. There are tales to be spun, songs to be sung and breathes to be lived.
I watch for the vultures, but today they are specks in the distance…they know there is no food here. May the light always find your path, fellow traveller.
Your troubadour
Nate
PS: a very special thank you to my dear friend Warhol Oliveira, whose unwavering friendship and recent gifts of a Ukulele and Maté gourd have brought so much joy into my world. Love you man!
I think we all have these doubts – they keep us humble and inspire us to push on forward!
Everytime I find myself doubting… then something cool happens OR I get to read something as cool as this and I know I’m on the right track! Welcome home, even if for a while! Sending love” xx
This one songwriter once said, “No matter how far we run, they run right beside us – our demons know our names better than anyone.” Luckily you know their names as well, and you and your loved ones know just how to exorcise them! 😉
Pesky lil’ demon vultures, I know them well. Glad to hear beauty has conquered yet again.
Yes indeed, well said Dustin :).
What do we need more than a little Maté, a notebook and music to be happy? I know I don’t need much else…
I am glad that you found some inner piece again. The shadows will reappear sooner or later, but as long as you know that there is some light too, they will not weight as heavy.
Congrats on the many new Patreons. It’s well deserved. xx
Gotta love Maté, makes me so happy :D. Thank you Micqu, always lovely to hear from you :).